lets go beards lets go! lets go beards lets go!

beards: 13   staches: 14

     so yeah im really hoping that the beards pull a fast one and like crush the staches.  i havent had too much luck lately though concerning teams i want to win, aka byu loosing the sweet 16 game, but hopefully this will be different.  only three weeks left, you can do it beards! come on you guys get growin that facial hair! =]

poop (people order our patties)

     could someone please just decide a major for me??? that would honestly and completely make my life and i would love you forever and always.  the whole choosing a major thing sucks because:
1. i have no idea what i like to do.
2. every major i have ever seriously (a loose interpretation of the word serious) considered, byu doesnt offer (maybe i can use that as an excuse to get out of here haha, see lower post)
3. its super stupid that i have to figure out what i want to do for the rest of me life, right now when im practically still a child.
     so yeah if all you people who read my blog could just choose a major for me and take away all this pressure/stress/stupidity im feeling that would be divine. =]

hey byu, it'd be great if you would stop kickin my butt.

     byu is hard. why didnt anyone tell me this?? seriously, you all just sent me out here all young and innocent thinking im smart and what not, and didnt even bother to tell me that byu is going to slay me in about every academic way possible (annd not the good kind of slay).  ok maybe you did warn me.  mom you've been telling me with each new school related progression how much harder its going to be my whole life.  elementary school to middle school: sydney, middle school is going to be hard, you are going to have to move around to different classes and you are going to have lots and lots of homework. what really happened: straight As all through middle school without doing anything/spending the whole time playing games in sail.  middle school to high school: sydney, high school is going to be much harder than middle school, you are going to have hours and hours of homework, and you are going to have to work really really hard. what really happened: applied to byu with a 4.1 cumulative gpa without having to do anything practically all through high school.  high school to college: sydney, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, heard it all before why should it be any different right? im smart obviously. FALSE. 
     i come to college and fail the first class i have ever failed in my life, am getting practically all c's, and am getting the lowest gpa i've ever gotten in my whole career as a student.  yeah, my academic life here kinda sucks.  sometimes i cant help but wonder what my life would be like if i stayed home and went to flo like i had planned.  i'd be going to college for free for two years, i'd be living at home for free for two years, i'd probably be putting in the same amount of effort i am here and at the least getting b's, i'd have an actual job that would pay me actual money.... i dont know what i was smoking when i looked at all that and turned it down to come out here. annnnd honestly, if i didnt love utah and all the people here and didnt want to get married (everybody denies it but lets get real here, unless you are like super smart, what other reason is there to come out here???) and didn't really over all absolutely love it here i would not come back next fall and be living the dream.
     ok, its not that being out here isnt living the dream (trust me ive been dreaming about this a long time), it's just that going to school as home would be living an easier dream.  and there in lies my problem i guess.  im so used to everything being easy, it's killing me to have to work at something.  going home would be taking the easy way out and that would make me a loser, staying here will help me grow and progress in life and blah blah blah. hahaha dangit.  this post has done the exact opposite of what i was hoping it would do.  it's convinced me that i have to stay here and tough it out and hate life, to become a better person (plus, i want to get married, cant forget about that ha)
     anyways, hope you all are doing well. only 23ish more days until i come home and start working 3 jobs and have no life and kill myself so i can come back here! yay! cant wait! haha peace and blessings, peace and blessings. =]

seriously?? haha these people slay me...

     ok so apparently it has become really popular for little 11/12ish year old white girls to make music videos and past them on youtube for the whole world to see...this is the stupidest thing ever.  one, none of these girls can sing and they sounds horrible. two, they're like 3 years old. no one wants to watch a video of a bunch of children dressed like skank a danks jumping around pretending that they're old enough to drive cars and party. annnnnnndddd i forgot number three. haah oh well anyways ive posted some of these videos below for your enjoyment. im sure you've heard of rebecca black and her friday song by now, dont worry shes on here along, and the others are just as bad. oh and be sure to look for the token black guy in the middle/towards the end of each one, apparently thats a requirement for teeny bopper videos. hahaha seriously these things are a riot. enjoy! =]

of course we have rebecca black, queen of the horrible tween girl videos, to start us off:

next is this girl, abby victor, who likes to sing all about her crush...but we never actually see the guy. maybe its the black guy! and her parents are racist so she cant tell anyone! yeah thats it... =]

and last but not least theres Jenna Rose with 'my jeans'.... personally i feel like this is the most disturbing of all of them:

    

oh songs these days....

     so malaysia just bought pretty boy swag by soulja boy (the clean version dont worry)  so yeah me and malaysia can often be found singing ghetto black music just cuz you know, we're black and no one else here is and we miss the rickey smiley morning show 104.1 cuz they def dont have stations like that out here =] annnnywayyyyys so yeah she bought this song, it is often one of the ones that we sing, and we were listening to it and she brought up the fact that it sounds like he's out of breath the whole time, and it does hahaha. if you've heard the song you know what im talking about and if you havent you should just take my word for it since its not really the type of song i would recommend to people.  but yeah it totally sounds like the guy just got done doing a triathlon that ended at the studio and he bust in all like:
    "sorry...im late...you guys...i had...to...run here...ok...lets roll it...."
    "this...right here...is my...swag...pretty...boy...swag...pretty...boy...swag...."
    "oh geez...im sorry....you guys...im just so...out of breath...nah nah...lets just keep it...we'll just do...the rest of the song like that..."
     hahaha yeah thats how the recording went im sure. well yeah anyways it was just a funny thought that i enjoyed, and really thats all that matters right? =] peace and blessings, peace and blessings. oh and a side note...how on earth did he sing this song without passing out??? just reading this post out loud to malaysia is making me lightheaded hahaha

hey there. i like your hair.

     last time i left you beards and staches were tied at 7, however that was several weeks ago and of course i have seen some more =] 3 more beards and 4 more staches to be exact. one of them was a full combo, beard and stache.  which was great. anyways yeah, the official count is now beards: 10 and staches: 11.  i dont know about you but im kinda rooting for the beards. =] ohhhh and i cant believe i havent posted this yet...in honor of the fact that staches are winning heres a great video for them. enjoy. peace and blessings, peace and blessings.

haha yeah in case you havent noticed ive just been posting some videos that i love with all my heart, hope you have been enjoying them

boo yeah.

this is my future child.

    who cares that he's korean??

time to be real

     my friend todd sent jessica and i a link earlier today and it really got me thinking about myself and my life.  it was about perfection, and how everybody is striving for that unattainable goal.  everybody wants to be perfect, or at least appear perfect to others, because in their minds, everyone else is perfect, even though we all know that thats not true.  we all have our problems and weaknesses and insecurities but we dont want anyone else to know about them.  i mean think about it, we all have those one or two things that we really do just hate about ourselves and make us insecure and feel like we dont measure up to others. but do we talk about these things with other people? no. are these problems we have with ourselves being solved? no. why? why dont we just talk about it? if these things are causing us so much pain, why dont we want to try and heal them; try to make them go away?  I know for me, sitting here at 2 in the morning writing this post thinking about what im about to tell people about myself, its terrifying.  a part of me wants to delete all of this and just go to bed and forget that i ever thought about doing this. i dont want to open myself up like that, even though most of it is probably obvious to others, its not to me, i havent accepted it yet.  but the other part of me cant wait to post this.  im tired of pretending like i dont care, like things dont have an effect on me.  im exhausted of just being the fun person who is never really bothered by anything, just goin with the flow, completely fine with my life.  so thats why im doing this, putting it all out there. im not sure how this will help, but i feel like it will. it feels right. the link talked about starting by just being real, starting with yourself.  if im not real with myself and cant admit these things to myself and accept them, how can i possibly expect myself to be real with other people?  so here we go, heres all the things that i hate about myself, things that i have to come to accept if im ever going to be completely happy.
     lets just get the big one (hahaha pun, kinda) out there.  im fat, im overweight, have been basically my whole life. i mean obviously everyone knows about this, its not like its some huge secret. i guess the problem is how much i let it effect me and how much it takes over every aspect of my life.  i hit 200 hundred pounds in the 8th grade and havent been under since.  I spent my whole high school experience convincing myself that my life would be better if i could just be skinny.  dont get me wrong, i know that skinny people have problems and issues too of course, but in my head if i could just be skinny like everyone else, it would solve all my problems.  if i were skinny i would have more friends.  if i were skinny i could play the sports i wanted to play. if i were skinny i might have a boyfriend.  if i were skinny i would be cute, maybe even beautiful.   ive spent my whole life telling myself these things and hating my body; hating myself.  every issue ive ever had, every insecurity, has stemmed from this hatred and disgust i have for my body.  it has been the obstacle that i have never been able to get over.  i have never been able to loose the weight that i felt i needed to to be happy, and i probably never will.  thats the real obstacle i need to get over though.... i need to accept that the likeliness of me always being overweight for the rest of my life is huge.  i might never loose this weight.  what am i going to do then? spend my whole life hating myself, never completely happy, looking at everyone else wishing i had their perfect lives? can you say miserable? can you say exhausting?? that sounds like the worst plan ever.  i just need to accept it.  this is my life, this is my body.  and my body does not define me. well ok i mean it does, but there are so many other aspects of me that should make up who i am and define me, not just the fact that my body is fat.  i can be happy right now, and not a gazillion years in the future when ive miraculously found the motivation to work hard and eat right and have lost a thousand pounds (no i do not weigh a thousand pounds...thank goodness, that would really suck).  I dont have to wait for that day that has only so far existed in my imagination to be happy and be me.
     idunno, this has turned out longer than i thought.  i know i said that i was going to talk about all the issues i have (emphasis on the plural part of the word) and ive only really talked about my weight but really thats it.  dont get me wrong, i have plenty of problems, trust me, but they all go back to this one, the fact that i have yet to accept my body.  but i think this has helped.  before writing this my heart felt like it was about to die, and like i said i just wanted to forget about it.  but now my heart feels fine and im feelin good.  its a pretty nice feeling.  and im not even really worried about who is reading this or what they might think of me.  im not doing this for any of you, sorry. =] haha im doing this for me. ha lamee and corny and cliche and stupid i know, but its true and yeah. it may not seem like a big deal or very much of a surprise (what?!?! she's fat and she hates it?!? i cant believe it!!! hahaha), but like ive been saying, probably a thousand times by now, it was a pretty big deal for me i guess...anyways im going to bed now, im tired of rambling on and on.  love you. =] peace and blessing, peace and blessings.
     oh and i forgot... heres the link if you wanna read it. its pretty good =]
                    http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html#idc-cover

i just realized this...

     i just realized that some of you (aka probably mostly all...) might not know what 'peace and blessings' is from, which is a real shame, cuz its pretty much from the best thing ever. sooooo here you go: my push up bra will help me get my man back =]

   hope you loved it. i know i do. =] peace and blessings, peace and blessings.

sweats

     addin two girls to the sweat count bringing it up to 4.  im kinda surprised...BYU girls, you be slackin. oh and just so you know im not counting the girls that wear sweats and still look like they're bout to meet the love of all eternity. just the girls that either just rolled out of bed and are too tired to care about life, or really just dont care. haha

i am officially not homeless next school year =]

     i was gonna call this post i am officially not living out of a box next year...but idunno how true that statement would be considering the apartment im gonna be living in is super small. hahah anyways so yeah i officially just signed my contract with southridge apartments next school year and will be living there with jessica! im so excited. =]  this is going to be so great. well thats my excitement for the day, hope everything is going well with you. peace and blessings, peace and blessings.

love.

     it's my sole purpose in life to someday be as cool as these guys =]

props to byu for stickin to the rules, hate brandon davies for screwing over our chances

      Seriously, we had this season in the bag.  number 3 in the nation and an actual legitimate contender for the final four. and then brandon davies happened.  went and got suspended from the team for the rest of the season for an honor code violation.  who is brandon davies you mat ask?? he was only our best starting forward, starting 26 of our 29 games and averaging 11.1 points a game.  seriously so depressing that he's gone. but honestly good for byu for doing it, and stickin to the rules, even if it did put our chances in jeopardy.  here's a link on what espn has to say about it and its nice to hear the respect from them, but it also hurts to hear how we WERE actual contenders and HAD a good chance. and after last nights game, i think i agree. we were crushed by new mexico, and playing like a bunch of beehives. but oh well. maybe we'll be able to get it together and pull through. i guess we'll see on saturday.

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=6174077

sweat count

    jessica brought this to my attention yesterday.  you guys of course already know that ive been keeping count of the number of beards/staches that i see on campus and of course i make note of all the black people i see around (they just make me happy. once i saw a black couple and it just made my soul take flight that they had found each other haha).  but ive decided to start another running tally here; the number of girls seen around campus wearing sweatpants.
     jessica brought this up in her email to her family yesterday.  she was talking about how no one here on byu campus wears sweats ever, and as i was reading this i realized that it was so true.  i think this whole year ive seen like two girls (not counting myself) wearing sweatpants on campus. and everytime i do wear sweatpants (which really isnt that often, shocking i know) i feel like the biggest bum in creation.  i mean i know this is byu and everything but honestly i dont know how all the girls here do it, getting up and walking out of their apartments lookin like they're about to meet their eternal companions right that second day in and day out.  im all for lookin good i guess but really every now and then (aka a lot of the time) i get up too late to do anything spectacular/look WOW!...seriously these girls all deserve major props to their dedication to making sure that each and every single guy they pass on campus never sees them lookin anything less than ah-mazing, just in case they're the one to take them to the temple...hahaha
      so yeah as of right now the sweatpants count is at 2. cant wait to see how many more i'll see by the end of the year...my bet is 3 tops. =]