Saturday, July 2, 2011

the fact that i have no idea what i am going to do with my life seems to hit me in waves, sometimes im able to forget about it, other times its front and center, suffocating me.

     my whole life has been geared towards getting into college and going to college so that i can have a good solid stable happy life. and now here i am, in college, having accomplished pretty much the goal of my whole life, and i have no idea what i am doing there. i love it to death, but i have no idea what to major in, or what even sounds interesting in majoring in...does that mean that i am going to fail in having the solid happy life that college is supposed to bring?  sometimes it feels like going to college taking classes that dont go towards any certain major/move me forward in life, so in my mind essentially a waste of time. not to mention the thousands of dollars of debt im wracking up from all the financial aid im getting to take these classes. how am i going to pay all that off if i dont figure out what im doing?? how am i ever going to be happy in life if i dont figure this out??
     idunno... its just that i guess ive had this goal my whole life, a set direction to walk in, and now it feels like i have nothing. it feels like the road of my life has just fallen out from beneath me and now im just free falling. some people would find that exciting i guess, but not me...honestly i just find it terrifying. and the worst part is that its not like there arent a bunch of different things that i could do, there are. theres lots of things that i could do, plenty of majors i could major in and potentially be good at. i just dont know which one i want to do, which one will make me happy... what am i going to do? whatamigoingtodowhatamigoingtodowhatamigoingtodowhatamigoingtodowhatamigoingtodo...

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