Tuesday, March 29, 2011

hey byu, it'd be great if you would stop kickin my butt.

     byu is hard. why didnt anyone tell me this?? seriously, you all just sent me out here all young and innocent thinking im smart and what not, and didnt even bother to tell me that byu is going to slay me in about every academic way possible (annd not the good kind of slay).  ok maybe you did warn me.  mom you've been telling me with each new school related progression how much harder its going to be my whole life.  elementary school to middle school: sydney, middle school is going to be hard, you are going to have to move around to different classes and you are going to have lots and lots of homework. what really happened: straight As all through middle school without doing anything/spending the whole time playing games in sail.  middle school to high school: sydney, high school is going to be much harder than middle school, you are going to have hours and hours of homework, and you are going to have to work really really hard. what really happened: applied to byu with a 4.1 cumulative gpa without having to do anything practically all through high school.  high school to college: sydney, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah, heard it all before why should it be any different right? im smart obviously. FALSE. 
     i come to college and fail the first class i have ever failed in my life, am getting practically all c's, and am getting the lowest gpa i've ever gotten in my whole career as a student.  yeah, my academic life here kinda sucks.  sometimes i cant help but wonder what my life would be like if i stayed home and went to flo like i had planned.  i'd be going to college for free for two years, i'd be living at home for free for two years, i'd probably be putting in the same amount of effort i am here and at the least getting b's, i'd have an actual job that would pay me actual money.... i dont know what i was smoking when i looked at all that and turned it down to come out here. annnnd honestly, if i didnt love utah and all the people here and didnt want to get married (everybody denies it but lets get real here, unless you are like super smart, what other reason is there to come out here???) and didn't really over all absolutely love it here i would not come back next fall and be living the dream.
     ok, its not that being out here isnt living the dream (trust me ive been dreaming about this a long time), it's just that going to school as home would be living an easier dream.  and there in lies my problem i guess.  im so used to everything being easy, it's killing me to have to work at something.  going home would be taking the easy way out and that would make me a loser, staying here will help me grow and progress in life and blah blah blah. hahaha dangit.  this post has done the exact opposite of what i was hoping it would do.  it's convinced me that i have to stay here and tough it out and hate life, to become a better person (plus, i want to get married, cant forget about that ha)
     anyways, hope you all are doing well. only 23ish more days until i come home and start working 3 jobs and have no life and kill myself so i can come back here! yay! cant wait! haha peace and blessings, peace and blessings. =]

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